Douche Bag

I have resisted serious use of that term for a long time now. For one, my husband adopted it early and uses it all the time. Drives me insane with it, much like how he drives me insane by using the word, "sucker" inappropriately. But I digress.

There's this a new guy at work and he's really sold me on the term. Let me set the scene for you: I'm covering the front desk for our receptionist who is late to work. I really, really hate covering the reception desk because...how do I put this? Well, you're supposed to be receptive at the reception desk. Warm and friendly and helpful. I am none of those things and I hate pretending. Especially on only one cup of coffee.

So I'm sitting there, minding my own business, reading a book to pass the time. When this new guy (looks oddly like the boss from Office Space) walks in.

DB: So what are you reading?

Moi: A guidebook to Ecuador.

DB: Ecuador? (makes face like he just smelled his own...you know) What for?

Moi: My husband and I are taking a trip to Quito and the Galapagos and I'm trying to figure out where else we should go while in Ecuador.

DB: Well I understand the Galapagos, but Ecuador? Don't waste your time. You want my advice for a great travel destination?

Moi: (I look at him if not expectantly, at least receptively)

DB: EUROPE.

I waited for more details to follow. Nope that was it. Douche Bag just wanted to tell me that Europe was the place to go. All 50 countries of it apparently. Don't get me wrong, I love both of the countries I've been to in Europe. Obviously one of them has really done a number on me and demands much of time and attention...but seriously? That's your brilliant travel recommendation? EUROPE? Douche Bag, I'm reading a travel guide to Ecuador and the Galapagos Islands. Go away now and let me finish my coffee in peace.

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Friendly

I'm a crap friend. If you know me, you know this. You've probably had to hunt me down to have drinks or dinner. I ignored five emails in a row and then you left a voicemail on my cell phone saying, "please call, we're really worried about you and just want to know you're okay". Cheer up. I treat my family this way too. My mother called a couple weeks ago to say, "So I hear you're going to Ecuador?"

I had dinner with a friend this week and got to see her little girl for the first time in over a year. I think. That's the bad part--I can't even remember when I last saw her CHILD, and I love this woman. I really do. She and her husband are shining stars in my life. It's not everyone who will open up the sofa bed for you when you've stormed out on your husband in the middle of the night. And then call him to tell him you're safe with them. These are good people! They deserve better.

Why do I do this? Why do I disappear? Must need more therapy...or something.

Another friend I have--I've actually been seeing a lot of lately. The odd thing is, hanging out with this person tends to make me sad. Okay, maybe not sad exactly, but that's the first word that popped into my mind and that says something, doesn't it? We part after hanging out and I feel a little sad because I know it won't last. We'll just end up pissing each other off again and that will be that. Again. So I'm trying to be a good friend while it lasts, and a better friend to everyone else. I'm trying to answer emails as they come, to answer the phone instead of sending it to voicemail because it's "not a good time" and I'm trying to listen more. Because I'm hearing I'm a crap friend. And a crap sister.

What does my disappearance act and my friend that I do hang out with who makes me sad sometimes have to do with each other? I have no idea. All I know is that right now, thoughts are quite frequently swirling in my mind trying to come together and make some sense out of things. Why do you make me sad, but I want to see you? Why do you make me happy, but I never call you back? Oh that is just so wrong.

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